Thursday, August 9, 2012

Letting off some steam and worry

Sometimes I worry. Sometimes I worry a lot. This week has been one of those weeks.

Ava spent a night in hospital on Monday. She has bad asthma and unfortunately that means trips to hospital. At first I was excited because one night in hospital is our shortest stay ever. I began to hope that maybe she was outgrowing her asthma even though I'm told that she won't. And then I realised something.

Ava spent the night in hospital because she got a runny nose. It wasn't even a cold, she got the sniffles on Sunday and on Monday it hurt to breathe. I did everything I'm meant to do to keep her out and it wasn't enough.

It wasn't that her asthma is improving but rather that the underlying virus was so mild. She didn't look very sick to the untrained eye. I didn't know she needed to go to hospital and that does not make me feel like a very good mother. But then I wonder how am I meant to know that the child that can run to a triage desk needs to be in hospital.

I wish the Dr's wouldn't look at her like she was about to explode (even though she might). I wish that they wouldn't use words like "volatile" and "brittle" to describe her lungs.

Ava will get over this quickly but as usual it will take months before I can stop worrying, before I can stop obsessively checking on her. And so I finally relented and ordered one of these.

So just a little bit of venting and steaming. Believe me I know life could be far worse and she could be much sicker. But she is my little girl and I wish she didn't have to be sick at all and I wish her little lungs weren't permanently damaged - it's not fair.


  1. You're a good Mum, don't ever think otherwise. Love you xx

  2. So sorry your daughter isn't feeling well. My husband has asthma too. A simple cold to me, can be life threatening to him. Hope Ava is feeling better. Stopping over to say hi from your sister's blog.

    1. Thanks for stopping by Brandi! It's strange what the smallest sniffle can do to an asthmatic. At least we know a little more what to do these days :o)